Couples Counseling Worcester MA; Being Intentional in Relationships
Couples Counseling Worcester MA; Intentional Connection
One of the topics I help couples explore in Couples Counseling Worcester MA, is being intentional in their relationship with their partner. We enter romantic relationships putting our best foot forward. We tend to show our best selves—our patient side, light and breezy side, the “that doesn’t bother me” side. However, as we get more comfortable in our relationships, specifically with our partners, the side of us that is hyper-intentional, what my husband calls “meeting someone’s agent,” relaxes, and other parts of our personality arise.
Maybe it’s the part that doesn’t actually like sports as much as you once portrayed when you were first dating, or perhaps your patience has waned over the years now that you are juggling work, raising a family, or caring for elderly parents. You become less intentional in how you engage with your partner. Your emotional reactions and behaviors become freer-flowing and less mindful of their impact.
When we are in new relationships, we are very intentional in how we speak, dress, and react. Over time, that intentionality can evaporate. When we are not intentional in our relationships, it can look like reacting without considering how it will affect your partner, not emotionally connecting, being on screens either side by side or in different parts of the house, taking your partner for granted, or assuming the other person will just do a certain task. This can lead to resentment and further distance between the two of you. If this is happening in your relationship, all is not lost. It doesn’t mean your relationship is defective in some way. Every relationship has its ebbs and flows. However, it is important to become more mindful of how you both are connecting—or not connecting—with each other and how you really want to be in relationship with your partner.
As an experiment, notice how intentional or mindful you are of your actions, words, and the time you spend together. Are you on autopilot?
Next, try to notice one or two things YOU can be more mindful of in YOURSELF, such as how you spend time with your partner, reducing your screen time and talking more with your partner, your tone of voice, or how you express your emotional reactions. See what it is like to practice being more intentional in how you show up with your partner. This is about YOU turning inward and seeing what YOU can shift in YOURSELF.
Meghan C. Foucher, LICSW specializes in anxiety and couples counseling Worcester MA. Helping couples and individuals shift out of stress, anxiety, and conflict while improving communication and regaining connection.
