The Top 5 Truths about Couples Counseling Worcester MA
Couples Counseling Worcester MA
So, maybe you have found a few couples counselors in the Worcester, MA area that could be a good fit. It takes courage to actively look for a therapist for yourself or for you and your partner. It takes even more courage to reach out to a therapist. I'm sure you have a lot of questions about what couples counseling is and what it isn’t. That is completely normal. You are not alone!
Couples Counseling Truth #1: No One Person is the “Problem”
It is important to understand that in any relationship, the people involved help co-create it. We all play off each other, react to each other, and play a role. Sometimes people are reluctant to enter therapy for fear that the therapist will take sides or that your partner or the therapist will deem you the “problem.” In couples counseling, the work is about understanding the cycle that unconsciously gets created over time between two people and understanding what is working and what gets in the way of connecting and communicating with each other. My job as a therapist is to help my clients understand each other more deeply and develop the relationship they both desire.
The goal is to do things differently than you usually do: to fight or argue in ways that do not further divide you, to connect with each other in ways that work for both people, and to listen to understand rather than to be right and further the fight.
Couples Counseling Truth #2: Just Because You Go to Couples Therapy Doesn’t Mean Your Relationship is in Danger of Ending
Couples go to counseling for all sorts of reasons. Just because you decide to see a therapist doesn’t mean your relationship is going to end. You can look at it this way: some people go to couples counseling like going to the doctor for a physical. It can be seen as a preventative measure to keep the relationship healthy. Others go to counseling because they keep having the same fight or argument over and over again, and it is not getting better no matter how hard they try. This can be viewed like going to your primary care doctor when you have a cold that won’t go away or the flu. And other times, there is a crisis, like someone has been unfaithful. This can be viewed as breaking your arm and needing immediate care in the emergency room. Some couples do the work and are stronger for it. Other couples do the work and decide that they no longer want to continue together. Either way, couples therapy is a place to make healthy changes, whether that means growing closer together or deciding to be healthy apart.
Couples Counseling Truth #3: It is a Collaborative Process
Couples counseling is about understanding how two people are part of the relationship and what role they both play. In my work as a couples counselor, it is very important to help my clients assess and identify their real intentions when they come to counseling. In the beginning of therapy on the surface it can look like “change my partner” and everything will be all right. But if we dig down a little deeper, it usually is to be heard, to be understood, to feel seen and validated. It takes both parties willingly showing up and putting in the work.
Couples Counseling Truth #4: Everyone Wants to Be Seen and Heard
Often, I find that conflict in relationships stems from a disconnect. That disconnect can come from not feeling validated, understood, or truly seen. When this arises, people can respond in various ways, such as acting out (yelling, arguing, being unfaithful) or turning inward (isolating, not talking or sharing emotions, thoughts, dreams). A lot of what I help couples with is finding an emotionally safe way to be seen and heard. Truly listening to one another is a skill that can be learned. I help couples learn and practice this skill. Part of this is learning how to calm yourself down. It can be difficult to hear what your partner is saying if you disagree or if they are saying things you don’t want to take in. One way to calm your body is by deep breathing. It can be as simple as counting your breaths, or you can practice breathing in, holding your breath for 3 seconds, and then slowly exhaling. Learning how to self-regulate or “chill out” allows you to be a better listener.
Couples Counseling Truth #5: It Takes Time
It would be amazing if, as a therapist or as a client, we could just snap our fingers and all of the pain and conflict could vanish or melt away. The truth is, lasting change takes time and work. In therapy, we often talk about and explore themes many times but with different lenses. The work can be very subtle and not as concrete “just tell me what to do and I’ll do it”. It is about becoming more aware of your self and how you react to your partner. With new insight and new skills, my clients are able to go deeper into the work of connecting with themselves and their partners. It takes courage to look at yourself, even if you don’t like what you see. However, that vulnerability can open you and your partner up to connection, grace, and understanding.
I hope reading this helps you find the right couples counselor in Worcester, MA. If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to call me at (508) 203-7728 for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to have a quick chat to learn more about what is happening and help direct you to the right person.
Meghan C. Foucher, LICSW specializes in anxiety and couples counseling Worcester MA. Helping couples and individuals shift out of stress, anxiety, and conflict while improving communication and regaining connection.
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