Self-Compassion: A Path to Healthier Relationships through Couples Counseling Worcester MA
Two different people's hands, one brown in color and one white in color, coming together to connect in the shape of a heart; Couples Counseling Worcester MA.
Self-compassion is key. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, when we are unkind or harshly critical of ourselves internally, it becomes harder to be kind, understanding, and patient with those around us. I notice this in myself. When I am struggling and listening to my harsh inner critic, I often find myself being less patient, harsher, and more critical of the people I care about.
When there is conflict or tension in your relationships, take a moment to step back. Turn your gaze inward and ask yourself:
“How am I feeling?”
“What am I saying to myself about myself?”
“Is my inner voice kind, gentle, and full of unconditional love, or is it harsh and judgmental?”
If you notice that your inner voice is harsh or judgmental, take a few moments to reconnect with yourself by:
Noticing your breath.
Observing how your body feels. Where are you holding tension, stress, or intense emotion?
Breathe into those areas that are holding a lot of emotion.
Using your five senses to ground yourself in the present moment.
Notice what you can hear.
Notice what you can smell if anything.
Can you taste anything?
Notice what you can physically feel (ie: the chair you are sitting on, soft clothing you are wearing).
Notice a particular color in your surroundings.
Next, close your eyes if you feel comfortable and if you are in a safe space to do so. Begin to envision someone who cares about you deeply. This person can be living or has passed. Picture them standing beside you, sending you love and peace. Feel the warmth that radiates from this person who loves you so much. Spend a few minutes doing this. Now, envision another person—or the same person—who loves you, standing on the other side of you, sending you unconditional love and light. Feel the warmth radiating from them as well. Take a few minutes to sit with this.
When we are feeling more in tune with ourselves and are giving ourselves grace, we are more likely to have space and empathy for other’s imperfections, and reactions.
When we aren’t feeling like our best selves, it can be easy to blame our partner for our reactions, emotions, or responses. But this only perpetuates the conflict.
Instead, ask yourself:
What can I take responsibility for?
What am I accountable for? Owning your words, your tone of voice, and your reactions can go a long way in reducing defensiveness and improving relationships.
Instead of trying to change or fix your partner, focus on yourself and how you want to show up in your relationships.
When you practice self-love and self-compassion, you’re more likely to be compassionate, tolerant, and patient with those around you.
Meghan C. Foucher, LICSW specializes in anxiety and couples counseling Worcester MA. Helping couples and individuals shift out of stress, anxiety, and conflict while improving communication and regaining connection.
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