Couples Counseling Worcester MA: Beauty in Chaos
There is beauty and strength in the act of making repairs not just in pottery but in our relationships too, at Couples Counseling Worcester MA.
While I was preparing for my day at Couples Counseling Worcester MA, my next-door neighbor was having a new driveway installed. As I walked by, the workers apologized for the noise. One of them said, "It’s ugly now, but it will be beautiful later." I smiled and replied, "That’s life—it’s a good reminder." We both laughed.
It’s so important to recognize that life can be messy and, at times, not so pretty—especially when we’re in the midst of trying to make changes or grow.
We often crave quick fixes:
"Tell me what I need to do, give me something concrete to remove the conflict or pain. Please, give me solutions to get rid of this anxiety!" But sometimes, progress comes in small, subtle ways—tiny shifts that may seem insignificant at first, like noticing your internal thoughts and feelings or paying attention to how you respond—or don’t respond—to internal stimuli in your body, mind, or partner.
When we’re too close to a situation, it’s difficult to see how these small steps can add up to big changes. For instance, a couple who is physically and emotionally distant from each other may decide to find time to go for a walk together. One or both might think, “What are we really doing here? We aren’t talking about our underlying problems.” And yes, that’s true. However, the first step may simply be carving out time to do something together that you both enjoy. In the beginning of couples therapy, for example, it might be better to leave the difficult conversations for the therapy room and focus on finding other ways to connect outside of it. As your communication skills improve, that’s when you can begin to address deeper issues—perhaps even on a walk.
As I write this blog, it serves as a good reminder to me, as well as to the wonderful people I work with every day, that
progress often comes in unexpected forms.
It’s hard to sit with not knowing how things will turn out—especially when you’re doing hard work with your partner and don’t have control over how they approach change, growth, or their own pace in processing thoughts and emotions.
Therapy work isn’t flashy. It can feel like a grind at times, just like life, or as my friend likes to say, "It can feel like you are brushing your teeth while eating Oreos." It can get messy, but sometimes, things need to be messy for progress and transformation to occur.
There can be beauty in the chaos, in the mess, in the broken places.
The way I look at this process is similar to what the Japanese culture calls Kintsugi. It is the process of repairing broken pottery by filling the cracks with gold. The idea is not to hide the imperfections or the broken places, but to acknowledge that they are there—that the brokenness and the repair process can add to the object's history and value, rather than diminishing it.
I want to offer you some hope and grounding.
Start by making a list of small wins. It could look like:
I went to the gym today.
I noticed that I wasn’t speaking kindly to my kids or partner (even though I couldn’t stop myself in the moment, it’s a win to recognize it so that later on I might be able to respond in a way that aligns with my values).
I reached out and held hands with my partner.
I made an attempt to connect with my partner.
I opened myself up to my partner who was offering connection.
I asked to take a break from a conversation in a different way.
I was more aware of how I was engaging/not engaging with my thoughts.
If you're doing couples work, also pay attention to the small things your partner is trying to do differently—even if they’re not 100% successful.
Practice being proud and grateful for those tiny, meaningful shifts in the direction you want to go. This is hard work, but it’s not impossible.
